by Carol Woodliff
As children we were taught that we shouldn’t be impulsive. Thank goodness for parents, teachers and other adults who helped us learn to be civilized human beings! They taught us things like – we should look before we leap; that we shouldn’t say everything that comes into our heads; and that we need to consider the consequences of our actions both for ourselves and others. Learning not to be impulsive is a good thing when it comes to our physical safety and protecting us from embarrassing social faux pas.
The problem with impulse control is sometimes we take it too far. There are times when we need to trust our impulses and to not second guess ourselves. Sometimes we imagine the consequences of our actions are so serious that by the time we are ready to move an opportunity has passed us by. We experience less in life because we so worried about being too impulsive.
Let me give you some examples. Have you ever had the impulse to compliment a stranger and then held back? Wanted to ask someone out on a date and just couldn’t get the words out? Felt the urge to dance in the rain or skip through a field and didn’t because you didn’t want to be seen as foolish? Had the impulse to call someone you haven’t talked to in a while and then let the day get away from you?
As adults most of us have a firm grip on our impulses and we hear a voice saying “DANGER-Stop and Think Before You Act!” We focus on “what if I look foolish?” or “what if this isn’t a good idea?” Our “what ifs” are almost always about the bad consequences of our actions. We never think, “What if this worked out wonderfully?” “What if I succeeded beyond my wildest dreams?” We never consider the possibility that the reason we had the impulse in the first place is because there was some joy to be experienced or an opportunity to be explored.
Personally, I’m working on having a little less impulse control in my life. When the worst that can happen is the conversation goes no where or you cause someone to smile because you are acting a little goofy-where’s the problem? When wonderful things could happen because you put yourself out in the world-take a risk and say yes.
A couple of weeks ago, I got a very last minute phone call from an acquaintance who had an extra ticket to a concert in Las Vegas the next evening. Instead of looking at all the reasons why it wasn’t practical to take off for Vegas on less than a days’ notice-I said yes and managed a whirlwind day and a half to Vegas. I saw an excellent concert, hung out with some new friends and got to meet members of the band afterward. If had looked at the projects on my desk and all the reasons why I couldn’t go, I would have missed this great night. Of course, because I am an adult, there were consequences to saying yes. I had to figure out how to make up for those two lost work days. But am I glad that said yes and acted on the impulse to go? I sure am. I felt alive and present in my life.
This event got me looking at other ways I could say yes to impulses–perhaps taking a few more low level risks to increase the enjoyment in my life. I’m not talking about life threatening risks-but those risks that involve trying things where I have a chance of looking foolish.
When I was acting, I learned that you had to risk going too far to really live in the character. To be a good actor you needed to be in the moment and be willing to act as the impulse arose. The reason why this created real characters in acting is that this is true in real life. We have to risk to enjoy life. Our spirits need some space to explore who we really are. If we hold on too tightly to those impulses, life gets smaller and smaller and we lose our sense of self and our sense of joy.
Over the next few days, I challenge you to look at the ways you shut yourself down before you’ve even begun and see if you can once or twice just say, “Oh what the heck-I’m going to give it a try and see how it goes.”
I’d love to hear some reports back. Email me at Carol@wmwgroup.com if you take the challenge and tell me what happens when you follow an impulse.