by Karen Maleck Whiteley
Vedic Astrology and Common Relationship Mistakes You Can Avoid
Carol Allen is a fabulous Vedic Astrologer and Relationship Coach. Carol W. and I met a couple of years back. Our experience is that her readings are right on, her insights helpful, and her style a delight. She is busy on a book right now, but in the mean time, here is an interview that not only tells you what exactly Vedic Astrology is, but reveals the three common mistakes people make in their relationships – even when they are perfectly matched.
Q: What the heck is Vedic Astrology?
A: Great question. Vedic astrology is the system of astrology of India. It’s been around for forever – some scholars think as long as 5,000 to 8,000 years, which would make it the oldest system of astrology. It’s very rarely practiced in this country, but in India you can throw out your arm and hit an astrologer – there is one in virtually every family, every village. It’s crazy. And if you’re Hindu, you don’t get married without the approval of an astrologer – it’s often how they arrange their marriages, which is still to this day how the majority of marriages happen. So the techniques for compatibility between two people are astonishing and it’s so good at predicting when things will happen – I knew for seven years the year I’d get married, for example – and my husband showed up right on schedule.
Q. Wow. Is that what led you to also be a relationship coach?
A. Absolutely. Once I hung my “astrologer” shingle, everyone and their brother came to see me about their love lives. Even though the system also addresses all areas of life it soon became apparent that what matters most to people is love. Soon I started feeling frustrated with only giving people astrological feedback. So often they’d tell me a story about someone they liked or a date they went on, and I was just constantly amazed at how most of my clients – educated, successful, attractive people – didn’t have a clue about dating or relationships. So I started reading everything I could about psychology and marriage and sex studies, and the differences between men’s and women’s brains, and I participated in the educational programs of a relationship institute, and next thing you know I was having a lot more impact helping people figure out their boyfriends, how to bring back goodwill with their wife, how to stop fighting, and so on. It’s a blast! So now I coach individuals and couples, give workshops, and have my own internet radio show.
Q. But you still also practice astrology?
A. Yes, but I’ve come to believe it’s not enough. I have seen too many couples with perfect compatibility mess it up and end up broken hearted. And I’ve seen numerous others with mediocre matchings make the most of things and report to be very happy. If a twosome have good stars together to begin with, they also have to be good partners – be each other’s best friend, pay attention to each other, put each other’s needs high on their list of priorities. Stuff that’s simple but that so many of us don’t do. I truly believe that relationships are easy if you know the rules. And the exciting thing is that marriage studies show that the thing that helps people stay together and resolve conflicts the most isn’t therapy – it’s education. Learning what works and how to understand basic relationship truths has dropped the divorce rate by fifty percent in those populations that go through educational programs. It’s fantastic! But also tragic, because what that tells us is that half of divorces, or more, are a huge, colossal waste. That’s saying a mouthful, because although we’re all told the divorce rate in this country is 50%, it’s actually higher and in places like Southern California some sources say it’s as high as 75%! So we all have to get help!
Q. What’s the biggest mistake you see people making?
A. There are three things I hear over and over. The first is that people have a hard time trusting themselves. They don’t want to know what they know. Almost every client I’ve had that is divorced tells me they knew they were making a mistake on their wedding day, but they didn’t honor their feelings.
Q. Bad idea.
A. Sure is – and we’ve all done it – but to take it as far as marriage is pretty frightening.
The second biggest mistake is people get caught up in their “wounded ego.” The wounded ego is the part of us that takes things extremely personally. It speaks to us in a voice that rants, “How could she do that to me?” or “How dare he forget my birthday!” or whatever, and the next thing you know, they’re letting their wounded ego run their relationship, and are making all sorts of assumptions as to what’s going on with the other person – giving them a bad attitude, causing all kinds of separation.
Q. And how can someone avoid that? I mean, what if he did forget her birthday?
A. Well, as far as the birthday issue goes, we’ve all gotta give our loved-ones the shopping day countdown! You know, “Just forty more shopping days ‘til my birthday!” (Laughs.) But seriously, the way to get out of your wounded ego is to do something people are terrified of doing. BE VULNERABLE. Say, “Hey, I’m feeling sad that you forgot my birthday. Could we do something special another time?” Telling your truth and asking for what you need from your heart – it completely disarms the other person. But it involves taking a risk, and you might get hurt. But you won’t end up fighting, which is usually what happens when you say something like, “Hey, you big jerk – you forgot my birthday! What kind of a boyfriend/husband are you?”
Q. What’s the third issue you see all the time?
A. The third thing is role reversal relationships – she’s the alpha and he’s the nurturer and they are both frustrated and not appreciating that they are actually each other’s compliment. In a city full of ambitious, go-getters like L.A., this happens a lot!
A. And you’ve seen people get happily past this stuff?
Q. All the time.
If you want to learn more about working with Carol Allen, she can be reached for coaching and workshops at 323-255-5265 or www.carolallenastrology.com . She can be heard live Sundays from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. on www.karmaair.com.