by Karen Maleck-Whiteley
I’ll be honest. I had the hardest time getting to this article. And then when I did,I tried writing it at least four different ways before this version. When I stopped to consider what was going on,I realized I was experiencing some real resistance. Fittingly,I was resistant to writing about resistance. Do any of you have examples like this in your lives? Take a moment and consider your current goals and action plans. Notice where you seem to be stuck,and how resistance presents itself in your life. To get you started,here are some “resistance indicators”you might notice both inside and outside of yourself:
Forms of resistance you may recognize:
- Questioning the goal
- Indecisiveness
- Procrastination
- Having many other things that keep getting in the way
- Unconscious stress coping habits intensify (nail biting,smoking,eating)
- Emotions flare up (you are angry at inappropriate times,depressed,anxious)
- You want to sleep
- You simply forget to do things on your action plan
- You forget you even had a goal
- You get sick
- Things happen to you in the outer world (your car breaks down,a relative unexpectedly comes to visit,you lose your organizer)
Resistance as a gift
The good news is that barrier moments can be a true gift. Whenever I notice that am stuck,even if it is in a relatively small arena of action,I stop to think about what else is going on in my life. I ask myself the question “What is it I am avoiding that needs to be done?”Nearly always,there is something larger or more important involved. In my case this time,I am working with my husband on another business. We are very close to incorporating,signing a lease for a space,and taking on a large business loan. It is very exciting,but at the same time it feels really risky and scary. Barriers to my time are presenting themselves everywhere. I have had to devote more hours to consulting than planned,I have experienced a car accident,and some big challenges with my child’s school came up. Ironically,I have also been asked to speak about the topic of resistance and breaking through barriers three times in the past month. There are no accidents in life. Clearly this is a topic I am supposed to confront and move through soon.
Every life sometimes echoes the classic archetype of the Hero’s Journey. Whenever we are getting closer to key points on our path to a significant goal,the barriers or “tests”we are given seem to become more numerous and difficult. The good news is that once you recognize what is going on,you gain power in these situations. You can actually learn to take resistance as a good sign. It signals that you are close to working through something important. You can and should use it to motivate yourself to keep going.
So what do you do,when faced with harsh resistance or a tough barrier? As Yoda said in Star Wars,“Do or do not. There is no try.”This is really the bottom line when you are stuck. You can either stop or go. At every point it is a choice,no matter what is going on around you. If a goal is truly important to you,you can figure out some way to move forward no matter what. It doesn’t matter how small the step you take is,the point is to somehow move.
Ways to move when you are stuck:
- Back up and regroup or to revise your plan;move sideways if need be
- Change your tactics or approach,look for another path
- Get support
- Take smaller steps
- Do it anyway
In the Hero’s Journey,the darkest moment occurs just before the biggest breakthrough,which leads to the ultimate reward. In looking back after going through the hard parts,the Hero notices that the situations always seem impossible before,and then appear much easier on the other side. She is glad she took the step forward,even though it was scary,and she is ultimately changed for the better having done it.
In my case,I decided to take my own advice and stop avoiding the work I needed to do on the business. I pushed through much of it in one day,and actually enjoyed a lot of it. After that,I found that I had much less fear about moving forward on the next steps,even though there are many. I am getting help on some,and actively scheduling others. What I had so dreaded was not nearly so bad once I got into it. Magically,this article has now flowed much more easily,I have booked several new Hypnotherapy clients,and I am feeling much more hopeful.
So,in this time of new growth,increasing sunlight,and spring-cleaning,I encourage you to be brave. Choose one on the places where you are feeling thwarted or stuck,and be a Hero. Use any of the steps listed above to move forward. Don’t be surprised to find that even the smallest step can un-jam what appeared to be the largest of barriers.