by Carol Woodliff
How many times do we run through our day and never stop? We fall into bed exhausted yet sometimes unable to sleep because our minds are still working on a problem from work or an issue with a family member. We feel guilty because we are juggling so many things and nothing seems to be getting done as well as we’d like it to be done. We are at work and we are thinking about home and the time we wish we had with family. We are at home and we are thinking about the things that didn’t get done at work. It feels like we just can get it together. Does this ring a bell for anyone other than me?
Technology has certainly made our lives easier but also more complex. Multi-tasking has become a way of life. But we need to remember that we don’t need to multi-task all the time. In fact there are certain times when we need to stop juggling and put our focus on one thing at a time –on being where we are and setting aside all the other things on our “to do” list.
I recently read an article about a paramedic who created a ritual to help him separate from all the things he had seen during the day and create a space for being with his family. Everyday when he got home, he would imagine hanging all the troubles of the work day on the tree next to his back door. As he entered the house he would touch the tree and walk into the house, leaving the work day behind–a simple ritual to help his subconscious mind to know that it was time to focus on his family.
This got me thinking about the importance of creating personal rituals–simple procedures faithfully or regularly followed which can help us life a more balanced life. There are two types of rituals that can assist us in living a more balanced life: rituals of transition and rituals of relaxation.
Rituals of Transition
Rituals of transition help us move from one area of our lives to another. The paramedic touching the tree and setting the intention of being fully present for his family is an example of a transition ritual. Another example that most of us are familiar with is bedtime rituals which help children settle down for the night. The more consistent the story time and lights out, the more the child becomes to depend on the ritual and can make the transition from busy day to restful night.
We can make use of this idea of rituals to help us be in the moment and make the transition from one area of focus to another, e.g., work to home, creating space to focus on a project, bedtime, etc. The elements important to creating a ritual is setting an intention, performing the action and making the action a regular occurrence so that it becomes a habit.
Rituals are extremely personal but here is a very simple example. If you want to create a ritual to create a mental space for you to work on a project, you may: 1. Set an intention to clear a space for working on the project. 2. Physically clear your desk top and put only that one project on the desk. 3. Turn off the phone. 4. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths and say something like–’the next half hour is devoted to my project’. If you do this regularly you will find your mind ready to tackle your project anytime you clear the desk and turn off the phone.
Rituals of Relaxation and Focus
Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz, authors of the book The Power of Full Engagement, maintain that we do not need to manage our time, we need to manage our energy, and that we have to balance energy expenditure with intermittent energy renewal.
Loehr and Schwartz worked for years with top athletes, and noticed that they were able to reset their bodies and minds in little time, with highly practiced, repeated – scheduled – actions (i.e., rituals.) Watch a basketball player at the free throw line or a tennis player before they serve. Many have a little routine that they do each time before they take a shot or serve. It may be the number of times they bounce the ball or how they touch their body.
You can use this idea to create small rituals of relaxation and focus and repeat them regularly throughout your day. You can tie these rituals to specific events in your day.
Every time the phone rings, I will take a deep breath, shrug my shoulders and smile which will put me in the frame to answer the call with ease. When I wash my hands I will think about something I am grateful for. Inserting just 30 seconds of focused breathing every hour can make a huge difference in your stress load.
The only way to gain power in a world that is moving too fast is to learn to slow down–to connect with the deep internal knowing inside. Using these small rituals can help us do this within the space of moments.
Take a moment and think about one small ritual you can add to your day to help you either transition from one area to another or reset and relax. Experiment with using this ritual for a month and see if it improves the quality of your day. If so, continue with it. If not, choose another.
I’m interested in hearing what kind of rituals you use and create for yourself. If you have rituals that work for you that you are willing to share with others, let me know at carol@wmwgroup.com.