by Karen Maleck-Whiteley
One thing about doing this work is that it makes us look at how we handle our own personal lives. In a positive way, we get to practice what we preach, and prove it works. On the flip side, we get to see where we still have our own work to do. Most of the time, I choose to think of this setup as a great gift I am giving myself, though sometimes, I admit, I feel less positive about it. We are, after all, human.
This month I am choosing to share with you some of what is going on in my life, and the particular things that I am remembering to think and do that are helping me through it all. I am sure many of you have had similar experiences, and you will relate. If not, you probably will in the future, as they are a part of living any life.
I thought my plate was pretty well to overflowing this past month, what with the new Spa business, a consulting job, the work Carol and I are doing (new CD’s coming!), the kids, the impending holidays, and so on. I am sure most of you are handling much of the same in your worlds. Then my mother, who lives in San Francisco, started to have some pretty serious health issues. She has been in the hospital a total of 4 times this past month, culminating in a stay in intensive care this past week. She has diabetes, so we are used to working through issues, but this was different, and they could not seem to figure out what the root of the problem was. When she went in this past time, her blood sugar was over 400, and she was in severe keto-acidosis. She had also had bleeding in her stomach, which required a total of 5 units of blood to be transfused. She was unconscious most of a day, and the doctors were telling us that they did not know why she was not responding, but that she was seriously ill.
Well, that put things into perspective, didn’t it. Those big things always do. I am in San Francisco as I write this. I have been here three days, and will probably stay several more. Other areas of my life are either on hold, getting along fine without me, being managed from here, or being handled in a different way.
So, here are 10 concepts I am working hard to apply as I handle this time. I hope they help you through whatever version of “the big things” you encounter next, whether it is an illness, a death, a marriage, a birth, or just the holidays with your family.
I have written them in affirmation form, as well, so I can say them to myself for reinforcement
1. I stay in the present.
It never does any good to project too far into the future, to dwell on what bad thing might happen, or to worry about what I could have done differently in the past (today, last week, or years ago). It just causes unnecessary stress and keeps me from experiencing what is happening now. The present is the only place you can do anything.
2. I notice and acknowledge people and what they do.
Especially during these times, I tend to get stuck in my head and what is happening to me. It really seems to help to look around and notice and thank the people who are helping, being kind, and doing their jobs well. Sometimes it is good to thank someone just for being there.
3. I focus on what I can do.
It is easy to feel powerless in these situations. There are so many things outside of my control. I feel better when I look for things I can do, and then do them. This creates movement and gives me back my power.
4. I remember to breathe deeply, and remind others too.
Breathing always helps- no matter what is going on. My mind functions better, my shoulders get down away from my ears, and it gives me more energy in the moment. Concentrating on your breathing for even a few seconds brings you back into your body, especially when you are feeling spacey and unreal.
5. I let people have their own thoughts, beliefs, and feelings.
Everyone handles these things differently. I try to remember that what people think and say under pressure is really a reflection of their own emotions and fears, and does not need to mean anything about me. Other people’s fears do not need to trigger mine either. If I can keep this perspective, I can help others with this next concept.
6. When I am fearful, I clarify facts vs. assumptions, beliefs, and possibly faulty conclusions.
Remember FEAR is often False Evidence Appearing Real. Before I let my mind run away with me, I breathe, and then look at what I am thinking to see if it is true, or an assumption. I check my information and the conclusions I am making. I know that I may not be thinking clearly, so I try to ask more questions and talk about things with those close to me. It really helps to wait to react until you know if something you fear is real.
7. I share my burdens and ask people for help.
Wow, this is a tough one for me. Those of us who “do it all ourselves” often find it easier to use this principle when these times occur. I made a big list of everything, and gave different parts to people who could manage things for me – the kids, business priorities, phone calls, and other things were not as hard to give away as I might like to think. Something to think about for the better times, too!
8. I counteract negative thoughts.
This is simple to do, but easy to forget. Whenever I find myself thinking the worst, letting fear take over, or chiding myself for not doing more at some point in the past, I tell myself something that either refutes the thought or counterbalances it. “You don’t know that.”, “That’s just not true!” or “I am doing the best I can.” Are some of the ones I have used this week.
9. I shield and stay centered.
I imagine that I have a shield around me and my loved ones that protects us. I also visualize my connection to the earth through my feet, and to the higher powers through my head, connecting through me and making me stable. The shield helps me to be clear and not take on negative energy from others. This may sound silly, but it helps a lot.
10. I remember that I am human and am doing the best I can.
I often forget all of these things and find myself in some or all of the negative places I am trying so hard to avoid. I do my best not to beat myself up about that. As soon as I remember, I think through these tools, and pick one to start with. I know I won’t use all of them all of the time. But I do find that using some of them some of the time works pretty well.