by Karen Maleck-Whiteley
The other day, I caught myself saying, “I’d love to get away for a weekend with my friends, but I have to work and get the kids to their activities.” At the time I said it, I was really feeling put upon and, I’ll confess, a bit trapped by the life I have right now. I know that this is not an unusual feeling, and that many of us feel this way at least some of the time. How often does that happen to you or those around you? I was glad I caught myself in that thought pattern, because I am working hard on liking where I am, and not focusing on being elsewhere. I spent some time that day working on choosing to be happy doing what I had chosen to do that weekend. I got to attend Tae Kwon Do with my 12 year old (who I love to see doing it), prep taxes (which made me feel more in control), and writing articles (which I like doing).
Last month, Carol received an email about this topic from David Kendall of Magical Mind. I have paraphrased what he said here:
The truth is, no one is ever completely stuck. Every city has big green signs on poles over the highway telling you how to get out. We have several airports within driving distance, and there are busses and trains we can get on at a moment’s notice. We have feet, not roots.
No job is mandated by law. No relationship is compulsory. Everything is a choice.
The person who’s not stuck but says he’s stuck gives himself really terrible programming. If you choose to stay for a list of good reasons, then say (and think) “I choose to stay in my job, even though I have a long commute, I miss my son’s soccer practice, and I do not like my boss, because I love the work I do, I am learning new things that will help me get a better job nearer to home.” Don’t say “I’m stuck here.” Say: “I choose to keep this _______ even though x, y, and z, because a, b, c, d, e.”
Even when we are feeling stuck, we are really still making choices. Even avoiding a choice is a choice. One of the most basic concepts of life is that each and everyday we make choices that either help us achieve our goals, or keep us where we are; choices that either reduce our stress or add to it, choices to react in ways that help us feel content or dissatisfied, happy or sad.
Sometimes it is easier to believe that how we feel is a result of the things that happen to us rather than see that they are result of the choices we make. Of course, there are big things that happen to us in life – there are negative things such as illness, death, and natural disasters. Sometimes good things are just as stressful or emotional for us – a new job, a new child in the family or moving to a new home. Day to day life can be a juggling act that can cause us to feel like we are out of control.
But the truth is we each determine our own experience. How we choose to look at the events of our lives, the things we choose to do, the goals and expectations we have for ourselves and others, and our responses to the events around us – all contribute to how we experience any situation. You and only you can make a difference in your stress level, your feelings about your situation, and your results.
This may be a difficult realization for many of us because it feels like our emotions and stress just happen to us. But that isn’t true. The biggest power you have is your ability to take charge of how you think. We can react or we can respond to the things that happen. We have much more power when we choose how we want to respond – how we want to view any situation.
It boils down to two simple questions that only you can answer:
What belief do you have that is creating your negative feelings – your feelings of being stuck?
and
How can you change that belief or expectation to give yourself a different result?
To be or not to be happy, really is the question. As if it needed to be multiple choice.
So I suggest you resolve to actively make choices in your life every day. Choose to do what you are doing for now, choose to enjoy the people in your life, and if you want to change any of it, choose to take action that moves you toward where you want to be.
For today, I am choosing to love the fact that, among other things, I get to finish this article and send it to you.